Deciding what I want is not as easy as it sounds. For me, as a primary care giver, I spend all my time tending to others’ needs and wants and it’s hard to think of myself. Plus I was taught not to be selfish and when I thought of myself first I was told I was selfish. it’s hard to go beyond that training. When we go back to that training, it can be difficult to get out of it. First, I have to decide its ok to have what I want. Then I have to decide what i want. This can be difficult for me because I have to figure out how am I going to get it and that can be challenging. So you can see how my thoughts can spiral. When my thoughts begin to spiral, there is one thing that works for me-breathe. A good exercise is inhale slowly through the nose and exhale through the mouth. I do this until I can focus on one thing at a time.
But I started trying to decide what I want. Let’s go back to breathing. It’s important to know what makes me happy. What do I want right now? What would make me happy? Sometimes it’s little like, 15 minutes with no interruptions but it could be I just need a weekend away from my responsibilities. That’s a bit bigger and needs more pre-planning. As a primary care giver of two children, I need to make sure their needs are met before I can attend to mine. Sometimes I need to be creative and patient to make this happen but it’s not impossible.